to live here untouched

[soobun]

fic link


just throwing everything from my miscellaneous fic doc into a little post. don't mind me

(the og doc title: that meme thats like im at the pizza hut im at the taco bell im at the combination pizza hut and taco bell except its im at the unrequited nicoharua fic im at the nichojoo fic im. you get it)

also can i just say how weird it is that my two &t fics have nigh identical word counts... that was truly unintentional. i thought this fic would be like 3k :(


main scenes:
- nico/harua bedroom conversation (harua pov, main)
- harua pining aside (harua)
- nico/ej at hangang (nico pov)
- harua/maki in the kitchen (harua pov)
- nichojoo sideplot wrapup (nico pov)

^ this is the extent of my outlining skills. and even this i could only produce about halfway through the fic. and it also didn’t even end up being exactly what i did lmao

i think my previous nichojoo was really quite straightforward, obviously i always want to introduce a Level of depth but ultimately i wanted to write something sweet and fun. in summary that fic in large part was euijoo ruminating on his self-image as an idol bc it takes place right after a very emotional concert where he cried while reading letters to the members. ej in general is very private and imo has a hard time being entirely genuine on camera, nicholas has even brought this up in interviews where he's like "the ej you know isn't the real ej" which was ostensibly a joke but also clearly something he's thought about. soooo the fic was like me trying to intersect these ideas about ej's sense of self (in relation to idolhood especially) with desire (learning how to let go and show his "real face") (via emotional honesty and then sex). all of this via nico pov because (1) im too nervous to write euijoo pov and (2) how nice it is to see euijoo through nicholas’s eyes ;___;

this fic on the other hand has gone through multiple iterations in my head since its inception [redacted number of] days ago. ultimately in its final form i dont think its That complicated either, especially compared to earlier ideas, but the words themselves were more difficult to write. clover mentioned how fun writing harua must be because of how genuine he is which is definitely true in a sense but it also made me worry about how i might be presenting harua as ooc because i’m leaning so far into his Other side (euijoo more than once: “harua tends to keep things to himself when he’s having a hard time”) and i figured that the emotional stress of Moving House (dorm) would be a good catalyst to get harua to that point (plus nico acting Like That post ej kiss).


title options:

-to live here untouched
it doesn’t feel like it’s been long enough to live here untouched by that / but everything bothers me / at least if no one else does, i know what i mean (the weeping - bess atwell)

- rare to wake
i will miss my home / but i’m longing to grow / i will miss my pain / i have to make way for something better / without change, something sleeps inside us / rare to wake (rare to wake - shannon lay) (i ended up using these lyrics as an epigraph)

-another world beneath
i found another world beneath that stormy sea / to feel the string beneath your feet / to leave a thread to find / there hasn’t been a story since / that hasn’t been worth telling twice (thread to find - shannon lay)

all of these songs are great representations of the vibe i was going for. others that i played while writing that are fitting but didn’t have good title options:

-dust - mini trees
seventeen, i would dream i kept it all together / out of touch, in the clouds, didn't know better / i was young and naive, caught in place, tethered / couldn't stand on two feet, fragile as a feather

-when am i gonna lose you - local natives
you were floating to me / in a slow-motion fade / could i finally see / between belief and faith? / you / when am i gonna lose you?

-taste - braids
take me by the hand / will you guide me through this phase / of not really knowing where i am / or knowing who i am?


misc. things to keep in mind while writing:

- attempt at severe difference in tone/mood/vibe between harua and nico pov. playing up the differences between their personalities, situations, the way they go about having ~feelings~ in general. nico’s accepted it, has probably felt the way he does towards euijoo for a long time. harua’s feelings for nico are intentionally more vague, hoping to evoke this_shit_is_in_different_areas.mp4 if i did my job right.
>as an example, see similar descriptions in harua pov: “sweet as anything” vs nico pov: “cute as shit”
>a worry is that the differences in tone and writing style make the scenes feel somewhat disjointed buuuut i think it's fine... (copium)

- so in my head maki has loved harua since the beginning and harua (extremely emotionally intelligent, Yes He’s An Empath) picked up on it quickly. but of course they were young and in a frankly weird situation. i think harua had some of extent of feelings as well, but in a way its burdensome to be loved so much and so quickly, so harua pulled away, but he’s had lingering feelings that he’s pushed to the side until now. and then getting so close to nico is obviously understandably confusing to the 18 year old psyche. but beneath it all its always been maki.

- to elaborate harua’s feelings for nico are a mix of “picking the most unattainable option out of fear” / admiration verging on hero worship / burgeoning attraction / various other less important layers

- i’m sure i don’t need to elaborate on the nichojoo but i wanted to make euijoo a little less repressed/more open to Being Together compared to my prev fic because (1) its been almost a year canon timeline wise since that fantour (2) i wanted it to feel simple (like harua said, “inevitable”) as a foil to everything harua has going on

- vague parallels between harua→nico and ej→fuma but also between harua→nico and nico→ej but also between nico/ej and harua/maki. there’s levels

- multiple instances of things being said at the same time (i kissed euijoo / i think i like you) and (oh / oh) mirroring the whole Multiple Things Happening And Being True At Once vibe. also the ej / harua twin smiles at the end. there's also a lot of intentional(!) overlap in word choice between scenes. (shannon lay voice there hasn't been a story since / that hasn't been worth telling twice) i really tried to make every line meaningful. how successful i was is still up for debate. LOL


i might add to this if more things come to mind but for now i am just so happy to get this idea exorcised. god bless

Comments

[strayion]

just got into &team bc of fuma in a pixid video and <3 it's always really cool hearing what you have to say about your writing, since you put so much thought into it, and you are so talented! i have been munching on your fics while doing stats the past few days and they are delicious, thank you <3

[soobun]

omg cindy!!! i'm so happy to hear from you and thank you for the kind words ^___^ and i assume you're talking about the taemin video?? fuma is such a shawol i really love him... One Day i will write kuma fic. and if you ever want to discuss &team (or anything else) (my friend is trying to get me into tws) i am always down!

this is ur fault

[strayion]

https://strayion.dreamwidth.org/19779.html