thinking

[soobun]

(opens dw cuz i have too much to say to just type on my phone journal app like usual) SO this line: "wataru and eichi are really suited for each other / they can be really cruel people" kind of puts into words a Thought that i've had but couldn't quite articulate about why wataei makes so much sense in a way their other ships dont quite. becuase i've learned to love keichi but they don't work perfectly for... well a few reasons but mainly because keito is so soft? and yeah it doesn't really seem that way esp without a pretty extensive knowledge of their characters but keito cares so much about eichi and yes its mutual but i don't think eichi like... HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS. i don't think eichi understands the extent and i don't think eichi knows how to be... pliable? maybe that's the word. i don't think eichi can be pliable in the way that keito wants or needs. circling back to my original point (and i'm being perhaps uncharitably blunt): eichi is too cruel for keito. (again i realize this sounds insane when you consider lines like keito telling eichi to kill himself etc etc but whatever hes just a tsun) oohhhh you know this could be tied back to the fact that keito met eichi when he was just a sickly bratty child that he felt like he had to protect while wataru's first real encounter and understanding of eichi was... the war. wataru saw his worst sides, eichi directly attacked him and his friends, and all it did was make wataru interested in him. so honestly that really says something about wataru's personality too LOL.

also idrc about the eichi vs oddballs argument bc i think wataru obviously really cared about all of them in his own way but the difference is like. ok (1) i think wataru was initially flattered by eichi clearly being overly and overtly interested in him (he is an entertainer after all and he said once that "eichi hangs off his every word like a baby girl") and he loved the eccentrics but (2) at the end of the day it was about EICHI that he said "[he] pulled at my hair from behind / desperately he tethered me to this world" and obviously this ties back to what we know of wataru's backstory but that's literally a whole nother thesis. tbh i'm not sure where i'm going with this it just pisses me off when people who are clearly unfamiliar with the materials pretend like it wasn't eichi himself who ultimately saved wataru too =___= like they're both fake and evil (or at least they love to pretend to be!) THAT'S why it works.

speaking of cruelty like that scene in element ep5 where natsume gives him the script to try and save the oddballs and wataru completely writes him off is kind of crazy. like really he could have tried. but this was also after he talked with eichi in the hospital right ("i knew a master actor like you wouldn't ruin it with an unplanned adlib at the finale") so honestly he sealed his fate by even going to see him in the first place. god i'm SOO curious about his mental state at that time and i hope that blackbird gives us some insight t___t tangentially i remember seeing smth that was posted waayy back like trying to debunk the idea that wataei is problematic cuz i guess thats what the girls were arguing about in 2017 but to me its like. one of the things i love so much about wataei is that on the surface they just seem like your typical 'wow they're so married' ship and in a way they are but the more you delve you realize that they ARE kind of "problematic" (stupid word) and the way these different aspects of their relationship come together is WHY they're so fascinating.

honestly if wataru was normal he would have followed the lead of the rest of the eccentrics and said fuck eichi and moved on. instead he JOINED HIS UNIT. as tsumugi's SUCCESSOR too implying that just as tsumugi was the fool/clown/jester to eichi's emperor thats exactly the role that wataru will play too. fuck i just spent like 5 min trying to find which story this line is from so i can have more context but i cant anyway its when wataru is talking about tsumugi's role in ex-fine and says "i respect him--somewhat." because tsumugi was unintentionally the fool, he didn't read through the contract and so he was betrayed when eichi cast him away, but wataru! no--wataru KNOWS that eichi is cruel and so he is going to act out this play with eichi until he gets bored and then he's going to leave. anyway we all know how that ended (ep:link anyone) aka wataru obviously ended up falling in love with eichi and fine as a whole but the point is that wataru was cruel from the beginning too (honestly the jester thing is so cruel to tsumugi like i know he's chilling as a joint parent with natsume now but like jeez. lol) basically i just love thinking about early wataei bc there was so much animosity and intrigue and. i dont know. fucked up reverence? and it was so much fun to track how their relationship grew throughout !-era... huhu.............

ok i looped genuine revelation like 10 times while writing this i need to be normal now. sometimes the ideal ship is cruel4cruel. ep6 and blackbird tomorrow ^___^ [vibrating at top speed] maybe i'll add more once i read the new story

(4/11) I'M SO NORMALLL. honestly i'll be quiet since i'm writing fic now but yves tumor gets it:

Lover or enemy
It's so unsettling
To hear your name in vain
They say it'd grow on me

The boy you are today
Ain't from a lack of pain
Became your own enemy
Look at the mess you made
It's such a tired game
"Nothing feels new to me," he said

also don't get me started on heaven surrounds us like a hood... hello fic title