life, for all its anguish
Dec. 1st, 2021 08:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soobunyes this is another playlist. :(
i searched for you for five years.
dimilix in (almost) 2022? no problem....
(is an oppressed apple music user once again) here's a youtube link. also mainly posting this for kaia but if anyone else still has firemblem thoughts i'd love 2 hear them ♡
➣mini trees - dust
i love opening with this because when the game opens felix is also seventeen<3 and then of course the reflection on his soft-hearted childhood and how stupid (in his mind) he was for thinking that he could be strong enough to hold onto anything good.
i think these lyrics are fun because they could be referring to a number of things in The Narrative LOL but since this is an opening i always think of it as referring to the tragedy of duscur pre-game where everything changed irreparably etc etc. i also rly like "call it whatever you want" since its very much felix to be glib about something that caused him immeasurable trauma
and then this is basically felix's life throughout the whole game / war! onwards!
➣the invisible - the wall
most of the following songs are post-timeskip but this bit is explicitly pre. see:
remember when you're like an hour or two into the game and you talk to felix and the first thing he says to you is dont trust dimitri he's nothing but a beast blah blah gay person noises. yeah that's this. and well he WAS the only one who could see it so i guess we can give him that
and this is bit is honestly both pre AND post timeskip.... pre because even though dimitri is "fooling everyone" by acting "normal" (felix's words, it's obviously more complicated than that) felix feels like he's still so entirely separate from him after duscur & western rebellion that nothing he does properly reaches him anymore. and felix isn't even sure that it's the same person in there either way. and then obviously post-timeskip... probably don't need to elaborate on that one!
➣wild beasts - albatross
i think this was the first song i added... i mean the albatross omen is perfect for their rltnship regardless but i remember hearing these first lines and immediately being like AH....
the vivid flashbacks to dimilix A support where felix says: The dead are dead, the living are living. You have to respect that boundary. If you keep stringing gravestones around your neck, you'll snap. so then this song is felix realizing that despite all the things he's said to dimitri about letting the past hang around your neck, he himself does the same thing when confronted with the idea that dimitri might be lost to him too
really this is just the perfect felix mid-timeskip pov song. and obviously the "secrets" felix should have shared are Listener's Interpretation but.... well. to me it's just that felix has loved him all along, despite it all
➣loma - sundogs
this song is soooooooo beautiful. T___T also mid-timeskip and i think these lyrics in particular are so affecting:
the vocal delivery and instrumental for this section. GAH!! anyways. i think the only time felix would let himself be gentle with dimitri is when interacting with his memory... (or post-canon after a LOT of development) but in this situation it's like. i'm just imagining one of the long faerghus winters during the fruitless war when felix allows himself to be sentimental for a moment—if he could see dimitri alive and unfrozen, well. he would.
(i also like "sun turned golden" as reference to dimitri's golden hair ♡)
➣laura stevenson - wretch
this song. holy shit.
i think one of felix's biggest areas of grief is that he's always felt like he was never strong or meaningful enough to do anything to help dimitri. like... at his core, before he surrounded himself with anger to block the grief out, he IS one of those "i can fix him" girls. (sorry.) but obviously he couldn't, and deep down i think he probably blames himself. i also absolutely love roaring stoic that i am as a felix (self-)descriptor.
LIKE. does this not read perfectly as felix pov mid-battle??? "split in half" as in physical injury or the mental agony of seeing dimitri totally separated from his humanity. or both. also "all blue" as in what the song is actually saying (end of a movie, felix sees dimitri as essentially gone from him) but also blue like dimitri's gross cape... clearly i love correlating COLORS. and of course the last 2 questions......... man it's so good.
➣sufjan stevens - blue bucket of gold
sorry i have to add a sufjan song to every playlist. but hello BLUE and GOLD? UNREQUITED LOVE?
and the fact that "blue bucket of gold" refers to a great lost treasure, one you can only imagine but never actually have... i also like "once the myth has been told, the lens deforms it as lightning" as a reference to the myth/story of loog & kyphon that's mentioned in the game, the king & sworn companion that dimilix are descendants of. they're spoken as the ideal, and felix sees the relationship he has with dimitri as a mangled, deformed thing instead.
➣hayden thorpe - head on a platter
ok now imagine if dimilix WASNT unrequited. but it was still unbelievably fraught. now we're here
like you can't tell me this wasn't written about dimitri. gold haired savior king??? i also love sooo much "we make gods of what we want, now you're my god"... i just think that's so brutal and romantic and CRAZY. so basically dimilix.
and this—hell as a reference to war in general, but also specifically how dimitri's brutality (for lack of a better term) is immensely beneficial to their war effort (and the major reason he was able to be a "savior" in the first place) while simultaneously being horrifying for himself and those around him. especially felix, who in early post-timeskip can be found exclusively keeping watch on dimitri in the cathedral, behind the pillars, conveniently out of eye-line.
➣how to dress well - false skull 12
this is instrumental, but i think it acts as a good bridge before the last song. and i also think the song title fits the playlist theme, what with dimitri's perceived falsehoods and the harshness that often characterizes his relationship with felix!
➣the national - sleep well beast
sorry i have to add a national song to every playlist. this is suuuuuuch a perfect closer though i mean LOOK at that title. but other than one line this is legitimately the perfect dimilix song
probably self-explanatory, tragedy of duscur where they both lost family etc
SAVIORS!! and the horrors of war. etc etc. and the following is my absolute favorite:
LIKE WHAT THE HECKK this little glimpse of how felix used to view dimitri when they were kids T_______T his last second bright spot in the distance, something good that he would always keep. gaaahh.
sorry this song makes me totally incoherent but this last line repetition is THE perfect ending. going back to how felix still thinks he isn't good enough to help dimitri, how he maybe never will be. and obviously felix calls dimitri beast, but "you as well, beast" as a reference to felix having become the same thing. even post-canon when they could ostensibly have a healthy relationship, is there not always going to be that fear on both of their parts: that of destroying the other, both of them beasts? yes. but can they not sleep well, regardless?
ok im normal. ;____;
i searched for you for five years.
dimilix in (almost) 2022? no problem....
(is an oppressed apple music user once again) here's a youtube link. also mainly posting this for kaia but if anyone else still has firemblem thoughts i'd love 2 hear them ♡
➣mini trees - dust
❄️ Seventeen, I would dream I kept it all together / ... / Was a fool to think I would never change in time / ... / I was young and naive, caught in place, tethered / Couldn't stand on two feet, fragile as a feather
i love opening with this because when the game opens felix is also seventeen<3 and then of course the reflection on his soft-hearted childhood and how stupid (in his mind) he was for thinking that he could be strong enough to hold onto anything good.
❄️ Thought I knew what I wanted / Thought I knew who I was / Chalk it up to bad timing / Call it whatever you want
i think these lyrics are fun because they could be referring to a number of things in The Narrative LOL but since this is an opening i always think of it as referring to the tragedy of duscur pre-game where everything changed irreparably etc etc. i also rly like "call it whatever you want" since its very much felix to be glib about something that caused him immeasurable trauma
❄️ Pull the thread to watch it unravel, lose my handle / Fall apart and try to regather what I scattered / Rip the rug from underneath me, I'll keep sinking / Strip away my sense of meaning, I won't feel it
and then this is basically felix's life throughout the whole game / war! onwards!
➣the invisible - the wall
most of the following songs are post-timeskip but this bit is explicitly pre. see:
❄️ The writing's on the wall / But you don't see it
remember when you're like an hour or two into the game and you talk to felix and the first thing he says to you is dont trust dimitri he's nothing but a beast blah blah gay person noises. yeah that's this. and well he WAS the only one who could see it so i guess we can give him that
❄️ Don't want to look down / Look down / I met your finger tips / But you don't feel them anymore / Words fall from my lips / But you don't hear them / You don't hear them
and this is bit is honestly both pre AND post timeskip.... pre because even though dimitri is "fooling everyone" by acting "normal" (felix's words, it's obviously more complicated than that) felix feels like he's still so entirely separate from him after duscur & western rebellion that nothing he does properly reaches him anymore. and felix isn't even sure that it's the same person in there either way. and then obviously post-timeskip... probably don't need to elaborate on that one!
➣wild beasts - albatross
i think this was the first song i added... i mean the albatross omen is perfect for their rltnship regardless but i remember hearing these first lines and immediately being like AH....
❄️ I blame you, I blame you / For all of those things I've been through / Don't feel bad, not a pang / It's my neck around which you hang
the vivid flashbacks to dimilix A support where felix says: The dead are dead, the living are living. You have to respect that boundary. If you keep stringing gravestones around your neck, you'll snap. so then this song is felix realizing that despite all the things he's said to dimitri about letting the past hang around your neck, he himself does the same thing when confronted with the idea that dimitri might be lost to him too
❄️ I flinch and you fall through the cracks / To the sea and all it bears / The secrets that I should have shared / Drowned then and there
really this is just the perfect felix mid-timeskip pov song. and obviously the "secrets" felix should have shared are Listener's Interpretation but.... well. to me it's just that felix has loved him all along, despite it all
➣loma - sundogs
this song is soooooooo beautiful. T___T also mid-timeskip and i think these lyrics in particular are so affecting:
❄️ I'm running back time to the edge of the water / Flickering songs alight / I could live twice / If I could see you alive and unfrozen / I would / Ice on the branches and the sun turned golden
the vocal delivery and instrumental for this section. GAH!! anyways. i think the only time felix would let himself be gentle with dimitri is when interacting with his memory... (or post-canon after a LOT of development) but in this situation it's like. i'm just imagining one of the long faerghus winters during the fruitless war when felix allows himself to be sentimental for a moment—if he could see dimitri alive and unfrozen, well. he would.
(i also like "sun turned golden" as reference to dimitri's golden hair ♡)
➣laura stevenson - wretch
this song. holy shit.
❄️ Roaring stoic / That I am, might I been more to you / What would you have done to yourself then?
i think one of felix's biggest areas of grief is that he's always felt like he was never strong or meaningful enough to do anything to help dimitri. like... at his core, before he surrounded himself with anger to block the grief out, he IS one of those "i can fix him" girls. (sorry.) but obviously he couldn't, and deep down i think he probably blames himself. i also absolutely love roaring stoic that i am as a felix (self-)descriptor.
❄️ On my way to you / I was split in half / Didn't have to atone my way to you / What did you do / You're blue and out like in a movie, all blue / and I'm shouting / What did you do to yourself? / And what could you say for yourself?
LIKE. does this not read perfectly as felix pov mid-battle??? "split in half" as in physical injury or the mental agony of seeing dimitri totally separated from his humanity. or both. also "all blue" as in what the song is actually saying (end of a movie, felix sees dimitri as essentially gone from him) but also blue like dimitri's gross cape... clearly i love correlating COLORS. and of course the last 2 questions......... man it's so good.
➣sufjan stevens - blue bucket of gold
sorry i have to add a sufjan song to every playlist. but hello BLUE and GOLD? UNREQUITED LOVE?
❄️ My blue bucket of gold / Friend, why don't you love me? / Once the myth has been told / The lens deforms it as lightning / Raise your right hand / Tell me you want me in your life / Or raise your red flag / Just when I want you in my life
and the fact that "blue bucket of gold" refers to a great lost treasure, one you can only imagine but never actually have... i also like "once the myth has been told, the lens deforms it as lightning" as a reference to the myth/story of loog & kyphon that's mentioned in the game, the king & sworn companion that dimilix are descendants of. they're spoken as the ideal, and felix sees the relationship he has with dimitri as a mangled, deformed thing instead.
➣hayden thorpe - head on a platter
ok now imagine if dimilix WASNT unrequited. but it was still unbelievably fraught. now we're here
❄️ Lovers meet in the ground / I'll see you there / Gold haired / We make gods of what we want / Now you're my god / What's not to love about a saviour?
like you can't tell me this wasn't written about dimitri. gold haired savior king??? i also love sooo much "we make gods of what we want, now you're my god"... i just think that's so brutal and romantic and CRAZY. so basically dimilix.
❄️ How the hell do I break the spell? / When hell is how we found out / All about our saviour
and this—hell as a reference to war in general, but also specifically how dimitri's brutality (for lack of a better term) is immensely beneficial to their war effort (and the major reason he was able to be a "savior" in the first place) while simultaneously being horrifying for himself and those around him. especially felix, who in early post-timeskip can be found exclusively keeping watch on dimitri in the cathedral, behind the pillars, conveniently out of eye-line.
➣how to dress well - false skull 12
this is instrumental, but i think it acts as a good bridge before the last song. and i also think the song title fits the playlist theme, what with dimitri's perceived falsehoods and the harshness that often characterizes his relationship with felix!
➣the national - sleep well beast
sorry i have to add a national song to every playlist. this is suuuuuuch a perfect closer though i mean LOOK at that title. but other than one line this is legitimately the perfect dimilix song
❄️ Losing parents, losing sense / I don't know what we should do / I'll tell you about it some time / The time we left
probably self-explanatory, tragedy of duscur where they both lost family etc
❄️ We leave our saviors wrapped around the necks of new machines / Or at the ends of threads that hold their bodies to the ground
SAVIORS!! and the horrors of war. etc etc. and the following is my absolute favorite:
❄️ Your voice was low, you blended in, I could barely hear you speak / You were always my last second bright spot in the distance / Thought that you were something good / That I would always keep
LIKE WHAT THE HECKK this little glimpse of how felix used to view dimitri when they were kids T_______T his last second bright spot in the distance, something good that he would always keep. gaaahh.
❄️ I'll still destroy you some day, sleep well beast, you as well, beast
sorry this song makes me totally incoherent but this last line repetition is THE perfect ending. going back to how felix still thinks he isn't good enough to help dimitri, how he maybe never will be. and obviously felix calls dimitri beast, but "you as well, beast" as a reference to felix having become the same thing. even post-canon when they could ostensibly have a healthy relationship, is there not always going to be that fear on both of their parts: that of destroying the other, both of them beasts? yes. but can they not sleep well, regardless?
ok im normal. ;____;
no subject
Date: 2021-12-02 06:23 am (UTC)ALSO YOU!!!!! THE MINI TREES SONG ALREADY GOES SO HARD… "i also rly like 'call it whatever you want' since its very much felix to be glib about something that caused him immeasurable trauma" gah T___T
also blah blah gay person noises ur evil but WHYYY IS IT SO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT THE IMPLICATIONS OF LIKE… felix way too focused in on dimitri and his critical gaze holding so much attention and obsession in a way no one else could ever come close to. the wall is literally crazy appropriate for dimitri...
moving on "well. to me it's just that felix has loved him all along, despite it all" shaking and sobbing and CRYINGGGG I AGREE THOUGH. btw why is loma kind of the perfect album T__T felix longing for a golden boy that isn’t there anymore... thinking himself unaffected but not wanting to let go of him either.... brb kms
YOU’RE BLUE AND OUT LIKE IN A MOVIE WHAT DID YOU DO!!!!!! THIS IS INSANEEEEE. HOW THE HELL DO I BREAK THE SPELL!!! OH MY GOD!!!!
also omfg the recurring wrapped/hanging around neck motif in the national song T___T are u sure aaron dessner isn’t a DIMILIX SHIPPER???
ok i’ll be normal too but ur ability to immediately connect lyrics to ur little gay ships… your playlist-making prowess...... i love u so much pls never change. :( Thank you again for feeding me 🥰❤️🥰❤️🥰❤️🥰❤️
no subject
Date: 2021-12-09 01:35 am (UTC)also "felix longing for a golden boy that isn’t there anymore... thinking himself unaffected but not wanting to let go of him either.... brb kms" GIRLLLLL TTTT yeah thats exactly it. actually there's this bit from another fic i read recently which is so perfect: "Everyone thinks Felix is cold-hearted but Sylvain knows the truth: Felix is so terrified that he's become mean with it, a feral, hungry cat with its teeth bared."
why must i take felix so seriously. ok anyways in my head aaron dessner IS a dimilix shipper and nothing can prove me wrong ❤️ ily thanks again for reading :"D